First blog post.

Originally, my intentions were to commence my blog with a welcome post; one of those where I would say ‘Hi! My name is Mags!’ and ‘I’m making this blog because…’, and just give you a load of bollocks about what I want to blog about but probably never will get around to doing. I then came to realise just how utterly tedious that really is, and how I’d rather not waste my time, and yours, on some rubbish that nobody actually enjoys reading. Instead, I’ve chosen to base my first post on a topic that has been springing to mind a lot in the past recent months. Pregnancy lies.

Top pregnancy lies.

At the present time, I am almost five months pregnant with my first baby, and it most definitely has not been plain sailing right from the word go. Something I’ve found is that I was getting advice from here-there-and-everywhere, and hearing stories from friends and friends of friends, and if I’m entirely honest… It was all a load of bullshit. Even half of the things you can read online are no where near the truth, you’d be surprised how stupid some of the things that pregnant women/mothers come up with are. Now, I know that pregnancy is different for each woman, which is why I just took some of the stories with a pinch of salt, but it has been there in the back of mind, pissing me off to no end that it isn’t as easy as the stories made out. So, below you’ll find several pregnancy lies that I was told.

It’s not painful. This is one of the biggest lies I’ve ever heard. I’m not even five months into my pregnancy yet and it’s already been one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had. Ligament pain in my belly started at about seventeen weeks, and at one point, I found myself hospitalised because the pain was unbearable and the stress of it sent my blood pressure through the roof. And that’s without the awful stretch marks that have already started making their presence on my skin!

Feeling the baby move is one of the most precious things. Okay, it might be a little precious, but it’s also weird as hell! I’ve never felt anything like it… And it cringes me out a little. Like, it’s great that Baby Dee is in there, growing and wiggling, but I’m not liking the weird ass flutters I’m feeling inside of me. It’s like having nervous butterflies but so much more gross.

Picking names is easy. Is it fuck. Not only is there the (what seems like) endless arguing with baby Daddy about what names he likes (Hugo is the most revolting name I’ve ever heard, I’ve got no idea where the hell he came up with that), you then have the people that no matter what, will scrunch up their nose and tell you that they don’t like the names you’ve picked. Believe me, you cannot please everyone. There will always be someone that tells you that they don’t like the name you’ve picked, in fact, you’re best to just keep it to yourself once you have decided, so that nobody else can question your choice.

Morning sickness isn’t that bad. Lies. My morning sickness was horrific. There were contributing factors to that at first, but after the first week or so, it still did not let up, and I felt awful. Like I had a constant hangover, and the thought of food made me want to throw up, never mind actually eating it and managing to keep it down. Yet again, I am aware that it is different for each pregnancy, however upon researching it online, I found that a lot of other women experienced the same thing. Whoever tries to tell you that morning sickness isn’t so bad… They’ve either not had a baby, or are lying to you.

The hormones won’t affect you too much. Now this, this is a good one. Before I was expecting, I was one of the least emotional people that you would ever meet. But as soon as that seed was planted, that was it. I cried constantly for at least the first two months of the pregnancy, and that was before evening knowing that I was pregnant. The hormones are one of the WORST parts. Sometimes I can be completely fine, extremely happy and loving life, and then the next thing you know, someone even breathing in my direction is enough to piss me off. And let’s not start on how many mixed emotions I have towards Baby Daddy. Sometimes, I’d like to punch him.. I found myself ruining my living room wall by throwing a mug full of coffee at him just a few weeks ago, and other times, there’s absolutely nothing that I want more than him. And not just for cuddles. Anybody who tries to tell me that the hormones aren’t all that bad may possibly get their head bitten off. I hate being this emotional. It irritates me to no end.

The bump is the cutest thing. Okay, it’s a little cute… But not when everyone you come across wants to touch it. No. You cannot touch my belly… Would you ever touch it if it wasn’t fat with a baby inside of it? No? Well don’t touch it now then. Just look at it… From a distance. It annoys me to no end when people are constantly asking to touch it, and I grit my teeth and tell them yes with a forced smile, when in fact I’d gain great joy in telling them to piss off. Just. Stop. Touching. Me. Let me go about my daily business without people feeling me up constantly. I’m pregnant, not an alien, I’m sure you’ve felt a bump before at some point in your life… And if you haven’t? Well, you’re not feeling mine.

And to end on a more positive note…

Besides all of these highly irritating things, pregnancy does have its perks. I’ve been able to eat banana, peanut butter and Nutella together on toast without wanting to vomit, and people are suddenly a lot nicer to me than they were before (whether that’s because they’re worried that I’m going to bite their head off or not, is a whole other story). I suppose it’s not all that bad, really.

Mags x